Inspired by the smell of rain
Bringing back memories of when I was young.
I’ll write about my childhood!
That’s a good idea!
Flashback, after flashback;
In monochrome and sepia;
Just playing in my mind
Like old movie reruns;
My life went rewind!
About how we loved to play,
My 2 sisters and I.
Whether it be inside or outside,
Around the village area,
Or at a neighbor’s nearby.
I thought I could hide it
The tears that just broke
But there’s this big lump
That stuck in my throat.
I’ll miss my 2 sisters,
When the time comes to leave.
Wish I could hold them for 2 months
So there’s no time to grieve…
Separation anxiety on overdive!
Every time my friends would ask about the coming departure, I would often give them inconclusive answers. Like: “When are you leaving?” My answer would be: “July or August” (even when my partner and I have already discussed that we have to be there mid July so my body would have enough time to adjust to the cold. Tsk); or “Are you all ready?” Answer: “NO!” which is true.
God, I don’t even know where to start!
My clothes, do I bring them all? If not, which ones CAN I bring? Ok, so maybe I should choose the ones that would keep me warm, but how about my sleeve-less office dresses, or my short skirts? I am still going to be working there, aren’t I? And my shoes!! Do I really have to leave my nice, sexy, expensive, open toed and strappy shoes? And even if I do, the questions still is, how do I fit all my clothes and shoes and still have enough space for my other stuff, like my bags, books, toiletries, accessories, etc., etc., etc…
I think I’m going to hyperventilate just thinking about my things I have to leave behind…
But among all my personal belongings that I would have to leave, the hardest one for me to part with is my ever faithful Willow.
She went through all the pains and hardships I did. And in the midst of disaster, though seemingly hopeless, she did not give up on me. My staunch and steadfast ally, my reliable and constant guide, my wonderful survivor…
I will try to give you the best last 2 month we ever had together… and know that I am not giving up on you, I just want you to have a better life when I leave…
(Posted April 23, 2010)
OH MY GOSH!! (Usher style)
I just realized I’m running out of time!
Was counting the months I have left…
No, coz April is down to its last week…
OOH MY GAASH!!
2 months and a half!!
I feel the nausea creeping in again…
Am I ready for this?
I’ve only just convinced myself recently
Now everything is snowballing into this huge avalanche!
Still not ready for the goodbyes…
Anxious, about the prospects of uprooting myself…
Leaving my comfort zone and venturing off into the unknown…
Antsy, jittery, fearful and tense
Just to name a few other sentiments…
But emotions are mixed,
Excitement accompanies the fright.
The endless possibilities,
And wonderful opportunities
Are what’s keeps me sane… for now…
(Posted April 11, 2010)
I have finally done it!
This thing that has been causing me so much stress and anxiety for the past few months is over!
I have finally told my boss about leaving… well, plans of it anyway.
I’ve already told my family about it early this year, though we haven’t really talked about it in detail yet, and I know that there is going to be a hell of a lot of tears when the thought finally sinks in, they are my family and whatever decision I make, i know that they’ll be beside me and behind me 101% of the way… even if it is with a heavy heart.
But my boss, well, he’s a bit more sensitive. I was so afraid that he might fire me when he finds out, and I can’t afford that.
As it turns out though, he was ok with it. He took it with a grain of salt and wished me well, and just asked me that when all the papers are finalized and approved, I tell him early enough to find and train my replacement.
I got so emotional while talking to him that the tears surprised us both. He asked me why I was crying, I told him it was cause I didn’t want to leave and that if I do come back I was hoping he’d still take me back…
But the truth is I was just so relieved… it felt like a huge boulder has been lifted off my shoulders.
As my partner said, everything is falling into place… now all i feel is excitement to be able to start a new life in a whole new country with her and Angel…