Bring it on 2013…

With the start of the new year, I was inspired to look forward and plan the year ahead… Ok, so maybe not exactly plan, more like a new year’s resolution.

I don’t remember when I last made a resolution. I think the last time I did, one of my resolutions was to never make another resolution knowing I can’t really keep them anyway, but it’s worth another try.

So here’s my list:

1. I’ll TRY to quit smoking. It’s going to be difficult, but the operative word here is TRY. I hope by the end of 2013 I’d have succeeded.
2. I will take better care of myself. In conjunction with my ATTEMPT to quit smoking, I would also like to eat better, be more physically active. I’m not getting younger, as my mom keep telling me, so I’d better take care of ME now while I’m still healthy.
3. I will start DOing. I always think “I’d like to do this and that…” but never really got around to actually doing anything. So this year, I am going to make a list of the things I would like to do and just do them.
4. I am going to write more, read more, explore more, feed my mind more…
5. I want to learn and do something new every month. Like, i want to re-learn how to use a sewing machine, or cook a new recipe, or do those crafty things on pinterest.
6. I am going to talk to my family and friends more.
7. And lastly (for now), but most importantly, i am goung to pray more. Not that I don’t pray much, it’s just that when i go through the stresses of everyday life, I lose sight of what’s important, Him.

How about you, is there something you would like to be or do to better yourself this 2013?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dear Lord,
I want to thank you
For every sunrise.
And with each morning
Comes a new day.
To live,
To smile,
To feel,
To be…

Dear Lord,
I want to thank you
For loving family
and dear friends;
With love that transcends
All distance and time.

Dear Lord,
I want to thank you
For furry kids.
Loyal shadows,
Forgiving and dependable,
And loves us without question.

Dear Lord,
I want to thank you
For the roof over our heads,
For the food on our table,
For the cushion and pillows,
The warmth in the cold,
The light in the dark…

And Lord,
I want to thank you
For loving us,
And giving us this chance
To wake up each morning,
To thank you
All over again.

Renewed…

Ok, I have been a narcissistic, selfish, self-centered, egotistic, egocentric, and all other self-something and ego-something a$$h0le the past week or two. (Unfortunately though, I’d probably be one again in another couple of weeks and at least 1 whole week a month.)

Anyway, now that I have overcome that pain-and-hormone-induced mental and emotional affliction, and the walls I have unwittingly built around me now lay crumpled around my feet, with renewed eyes, I see what has been happening around me more clearly.

I am not the only one who is going through a difficult time, or has problems, or is hurting. But even though I was aware of this before, it has always been “I am hurting because someone I know is hurting“, or “I am sad because someone I know is going through a tough time“. It is not always about me. I shouldn’t be the one fishing for sympathy when it isn’t me whose heart is broken, or whose son is on the operating table. But now that I know better, I want to be more actively involved in their struggles, rather than making the struggles my own and reaping the empathy.

I want to be responsible in helping them and not just feel their pain because a sturdy, strong hand can do more than a sympathetic word could. Yes, that’s what I will do.

Strength

About 3 years ago the Philippines was hit by a terrible typhoon (you can read about an old blog I wrote about that here) that brought about the most flood water that I have ever experienced in my life. The streets were so deep in flood water that rescuers had to use boats to get to the top of houses where most of the residents stayed and waited. Our whole house was totally submerged. Unprepared, we weren’t able to save anything but the lives of the ones who were currently in the house when the flood waters came.

It’s now happening again. No typhoon this time, but the torrential downpour and the unending rainfall has accumulated more rain water than the previous typhoon that besieged my country… and painfully my family.

It’s agonizing to be so far away, safe, dry, and comfortable when I know my family has to sleep in somebody else’s bed, if they even sleep at all with the rains still falling. I feel so helpless.

I know they are safe, everyone’s accounted for. The house and everything else that were flooded are just material things that can be replaced or fixed.  I just wish I could be there for my family; to hold their hands for strength, to make the family whole in facing yet another wrinkle.

I just take comfort in the fact that my family is resilient and strong in both spirit and faith. Nothing fazes them and I know that this too will be just another trial that they will overcome.

Letting Go…

Lost,
in a dark abyss
of indifference.

choking
at the tears
wanting to flow.

weary
of all emotional turmoil
gnawing at my very core.

afraid
of the empty shell
that fate has left of me.

But, nobody said life is easy.
We just need to overcome these hardships,
And know that we don’t have to do it alone.
We need a higher power to help us through.
So I lift up my anguish and sorrow to you, oh Lord,
and surrender them all to you.

Letting Go
By Gary Valenciano

I used to feel the emptiness inside me
I was not supposed to feel that way
I had everything I needed
But nothing ever made me
What I longed to be
The wealth, the name
The lights, the fame
Were everything to me
And then one night
Out of the blue
I heard His name (Jesus)
And so I took that step of faith
And walked into His domain
I believe that’s what He wants
Every heart to do
When hard may seem the task
One step is all He asks of you

Letting go to know the truth
Is not so hard to do
It’s the heart that’s got the will
To open up for Him to fill
And trusting and believing Him
Is all we’ve got to do
It’s just the heart that’s got to move
For Him to show His love that’s been there
Even when we never cared
Take hold of His hand
Let go and you’ll understand

Why be afraid
For God knows what you’re feeling
But even He can’t do a thing
If He sees the heart’s not willing
And so we ask what’s going on
We want what’s right and still do wrong
When hard may seem the task
One step is all He asks of you

I guess by now you’d realize
You can’t be on your own
And all your cares
And all your burdens
Should be cast upon His throne
Letting go, just let go, letting go
Let go and you’ll understand
Just let go and you’ll understand