I think I’ve avoided blogging long enough… 18 days to be exact!
Yes, I was sort of avoiding it.
When we got to Canada, all I could think of was writing…
About our experiences; what happened from the airport to when we got to where we were staying; how the flight went, how Angel handled her 12 hours in the cargo, how the interview at the immigration at Vancouver went when we got there; what the weather was like when we landed in Vancouver and in Winnipeg…
So many topics to talk about… BUT…
It was that big BUT that blocked all my thoughts coz I couldn’t get the words out of my mind and into writing.
Whatever topic I would start out writing about, would always veer towards my family and friends back home. And thinking about them makes me even more homesick than I already am, so I can’t.
But I guess 2 weeks is enough for me to get settled in somehow.
Sure I still miss home, but I’ve made a deal with myself… the sooner I find my place here in Winnipeg, start my own network of friends and contacts, get a decent job (or 2) for me to save enough, a car, maybe a house, the sooner I would get to be reunited with those I love back home.
So, Bring It On Canada!!
I’m a Filipino, resilient and steadfast, and I’ve weathered fiercer storms!
Going abroad, whether to live or to work, has never been part of the things I see myself doing in the future. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why whenever I try to imagine Canada, I couldn’t picture myself basking in the snow, or bundled up in warm clothes walking to work, or just about anything that would put me in that scenario.
But, it could also be because I did NOT want to think about leaving…
For the past month since we got our Visa, I’ve been trying to escape the anxiety and distress. Always looking for a diversion to get my mind as far away as possible from the thought of all my loved ones who’ll be left behind. I bought all these books so I can bury myself in its adventures and not think about my own story; I tried playing all these games again in Facebook… but they didn’t help.
Then I remembered a conversation I had with Tita Oh when I was still undecided about the whole thing. She just told me that I wasn’t getting any younger and that this is a lucky break for me. That I need to grab this opportunity by the balls because I might regret it if I don’t.
She’s right. I am not getting any younger, and at 35 I have always made decisions that are expected of me. But life is also about taking risks. Sometimes it pays to just let go and see where life brings you. As Carrie Underwood’s song goes:
Jesus,take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go.
And if He steers me to Canada, then Canada it is!
At least Gayl and Angel will be with me, and when things don’t work out for us out there, we can still come home with our heads held high knowing that we tried.