When I was younger I would always help my mama in the kitchen; peeling and chopping vegetables, cleaning or washing meats and some other sea creatures to be used on a Filipino dish. Sometimes she would let me “cook”, which actually means I get to stir and put the ingredients in the pan while she tells me the order they go in, then she does the seasoning herself.
I never really learned how to cook Filipino dishes though. I tried, but I always thought it to be a failure because they never really tasted the same as when mama cooks them. Besides, Filipino dishes are so precise (in my opinion). If you don’t use the same ingredients, they don’t seem to taste as good.
But even though I refused to learn to cook even my favourite dishes, like sinigang, bistek (beefsteak) tagalog, paksiw, mama always told me to at least be able to cook one staple so I don’t starve (or in my case, go broke from always buying food I can otherwise prepare myself). Continue reading
No, I don’t think I’m clinically depressed. But who am I to diagnose myself, right? I am just able to say this because I still function alright. A little mechanical but I am still able to get some of my work done; I can still smile and laugh, maybe not heartfelt, but I still have the sense to fake laugh on cue. I eat alright; sleep, well, I need more of that. Are those signs that I’m not depressed? I’m not sure.
I don’t know. I guess I just feel tired, emotionally and physically. I need a change. What kind of change, you say. Well, that draws another blank.
I just don’t like it when I feel this way. Makes me do crazy things… like get a tattoo! Ssshhh
I stare at the computer screen, but everything is blank. Instead, I see images in my head. Children running around on the street, screaming with delight. They could be playing tag, or just chasing each other around. Nothing like kids having fun, laughing and goofing around, to put a smile on my face.
Winter has extended its stay… again. We’ve put away our winter parkas and winter clothes in the hopes that we would never need them, not in the next couple of weeks anyway. But… I wonder if Spring is just being shy or Winter has bullied her to stay longer.
It’s frustrating, exasperating, depressing. I want to feel the sun on my skin again; wear nice sleeveless tops and flip flops again. I want to see colourful flowers in the garden, run around with the four-legged kids or just sit on the hammock with a glass of wine.
I hate winter.
Maybe this will make us all smile…
It finally feels like Spring has come. The birds are chirping, the snow is melting (revealing some nasty hidden secrets in our backyard that’s a result of having lots of dogs) and my writing brain has come out of hibernation.
I feel bad that I let the gloom of winter affect me, and yet it does. Everything shuts down like all I really want to do is sleep or do nothing. But i can’t, so I go about my business like an automated cyborg for like 6 months until it’s time to let myself wake up from my stupor and actually live my life.
So here I am, back to the land of the living.
I know I have been an absentee blogger (again) these past couple of months and then I came across this blog from a fellow Filipina (the salt of your skin) who posted an open letter by a Filipino executive to CNN’s Anderson Cooper. I thought I had to share this with you.
My country has been hit hard by possibly the strongest recorded storm to make landfall and even though I am in Canada, I still feel the heartbreak that my people collectively feels towards the tragedy. But, we’re Filipinos, resilient and strong. We’ve gone through a lot of storms and always come back from them with renewed faith and strength. Continue reading