Inked for life.

For those of you who are wondering if I did get that tattoo, yes I did. And yes, I haven’t told my mom yet.

Well, I am almost 40 and I could do whatever without parents’ consent, I know my mom is going to say “WHAT!! WHY?!?!?” but at the end of the day, she knows it’s my skin and my life.

But that’s not the purpose for this post.

During those days that I felt like I was swimming in emptiness and almost drowning in emotional distress, I always felt comfort thinking about who/what grounds me;

The Triquetra or Trinity knot.

I wanted a tattoo that would symbolize family. Whenever I would google “Family” and “Tattoo”, the triquetra will always come up. I have learned too, while researching, that the trinity knot also symbolizes the Holy Trinity during its early Christian uses. That’s an added bonus.

So this tattoo symbolizes the 3 things that are important to me; my family, my faith and my life. The swirls are my friends and the people I’ve connected with and have affected my life. The 5 dots on top of the image represents my immediate family, my parents, me and my 2 sisters. the other 5 dots at the bottom of the photo are the 5 boys I love so much, my nephews. While the infinity symbol represents my partner, Gayl.

My Rosary Tattoo

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When I explained to the artist that I wanted the rosary to be technically correct, with all 5 mysteries and 10 beads per mystery and the extra beads, she made sure that’s exactly what she will give me. While putting the stencil on, she was counting the beads around my arm, even behind the rose. So this rosary tattoo, I am proud to say, is perfect.

I still have my actual rosary, the one that my mom gave me, in my purse wherever I go. But this rosary I wear proudly for everyone to see.

Jasmine flower or Sampaguita

Whenever people would ask me about my name, I always say it came from a pretty, small, white and fragrant flower.

Aside from the fact that I love the Sampaguita, it is also the national flower of the Philippines. MY Philippines, a nation with all its faults but still the land of my birth and where everyone that I love is waiting for me.

 

I know it’s a little lame, and I could be over compensating trying to justify getting a tattoo, but looking at them helps me feel connected to what they symbolize. And yes, they make me feel a whole lot better.

Blue…

Untitled-1No, I don’t think I’m clinically depressed. But who am I to diagnose myself, right? I am just able to say this because I still function alright. A little mechanical but I am still able to get some of my work done; I can still smile and laugh, maybe not heartfelt, but I still have the sense to fake laugh on cue. I eat alright; sleep, well, I need more of that. Are those signs that I’m not depressed? I’m not sure.

I don’t know. I guess I just feel tired, emotionally and physically. I need a change. What kind of change, you say. Well, that draws another blank.

I just don’t like it when I feel this way. Makes me do crazy things… like get a tattoo! Ssshhh

 

Frozen

I stare at the computer screen, but everything is blank. Instead, I see images in my head. Children running around on the street, screaming with delight. They could be playing tag, or just chasing each other around. Nothing like kids having fun, laughing and goofing around, to put a smile on my face.

Winter has extended its stay… again. We’ve put away our winter parkas and winter clothes in the hopes that we would never need them, not in the next couple of weeks anyway. But… I wonder if Spring is just being shy or Winter has bullied her to stay longer.

It’s frustrating, exasperating, depressing. I want to feel the sun on my skin again; wear nice sleeveless tops and flip flops again. I want to see colourful flowers in the garden, run around with the four-legged kids or just sit on the hammock with a glass of wine.

I hate winter.

Maybe this will make us all smile…

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Return of the living

wake-upIt finally feels like Spring has come. The birds are chirping,  the snow is melting (revealing some nasty hidden secrets in our backyard that’s a result of having lots of dogs) and my writing brain has come out of hibernation.

I feel bad that I let the gloom of winter affect me, and yet it does. Everything shuts down like all I really want to do is sleep or do nothing. But i can’t, so I go about my business like an automated cyborg for like 6 months until it’s time to let myself wake up from my stupor and actually live my life.

So here I am, back to the land of the living.

Open Letter to CNN

I know I have been an absentee blogger (again) these past couple of months and then I came across this blog from a fellow Filipina (the salt of your skin) who posted an open letter by a Filipino executive to CNN’s Anderson Cooper. I thought I had to share this with you.

My country has been hit hard by possibly the strongest recorded storm to make landfall and even though I am in Canada, I still feel the heartbreak that my people collectively feels towards the tragedy. But, we’re Filipinos, resilient and strong. We’ve gone through a lot of storms and always come back from them with renewed faith and strength. Continue reading